Dear Ann Landers,
I am writing this as I face months of growing out a miserable haircut. I want all barbers everywhere to become aware of what is universally the major complaint against members of their profession. It is taking off too much hair. I spent 20 years in the Navy where we were required to get regulation short haircuts. Now that I am retired, I should be able to enjoy the freedom of longer hair, but it seems I am doomed to be denied this pleasure. A barber can always take off more hair if the customer feels it's still too long, but he cannot put hair back on. The fact that hair does eventually grow back is small consolation when you look as if you've been scalped. I know this is a minor problem compared to others you get, Ann, but right now, I'm so darned mad, I decided the best way to let off steam and maybe educate those scissor-happy nitwits was to write to you and pray that my letter makes the paper. Sign me -- Shorn in San Diego

Dear Shorn,
I'm sure your letter will not be taped to any barbershop mirrors around the world, but rest assured, your barber, as well as thousands of other barbers, will see it and ask, "Could this be me?" Those who cut women's hair should also pay attention. There is no wrath equal to that of a woman shorn.