Dear Ann Landers, My in-laws have a habit of coming to our home without calling first. There have been times when my mother-in-law has called me on the phone "just to chat" and never says a word about coming over. Then, she shows up at the door 10 minutes later with a goofy grin on her face. I'm sure she enjoys these surprise attacks.
My husband has asked his parents politely several times to call before coming over. One Sunday morning, they dropped by, and he refused to let them in, saying it wasn't a good time. You'd think they would get the hint. They didn't. I have come home from work on my lunch hour to find them in the house. We also have come home from work and seen evidence that they had been here.
My husband gave them a key to our previous house, but when we moved, I refused to let them have a spare. However, there is a key that we keep hidden outside for emergencies, and my husband told his parents where it is. He said apologetically, "They might need to get into the house in case of an emergency."
Ann, what can I do about this galling situation? I'm at the end of my rope and totally out of patience with my in-laws. Please advise. I no longer can think rationally about this problem. -- Ohio Nightmare Without End
Dear Ohio Nightmare, Your principal problem is not with your in-laws; it's with your husband. Telling his parents where to find the hidden key was nothing short of a betrayal.
Find another place for the key (not the mailbox or under the doormat -- that's the first place thieves look).
Inform your husband in no uncertain terms that he is not to tell his parents of the new location.
If your in-laws show up again on a Sunday, tell them bluntly that you are not ready for company and to phone in the future, please, because you cannot entertain them properly when they just drop in.
Dear Ann Landers, I have a very sophisticated, attractive girlfriend. She is intelligent and has a terrific job. What's the problem? She doesn't shave her legs or under her arms. I'm too embarrassed to tell her this offends me and that it is neither ladylike nor attractive.
I never have dated a woman who didn't shave her legs. My girlfriend has more hair on her legs than I have on mine. I know that in Europe some women don't shave their legs, but is this socially acceptable nowadays in the United States? -- A Hairy Situation in the East
Dear East, Unshaven armpits and hairy legs are not socially acceptable in our culture, and I cannot imagine why a sophisticated woman would not be aware of this. You should tell your friend it would please you if she would do this, although she may not. Incidentally, there are attractively packaged shaving kits for women available in drugstores everywhere. If she agrees to shave, consider giving her one.
Dear Ann Landers, I am a 60-year-old man who doesn't have any interest in anything or anyone. I'm bored with everybody I meet. I am bored with my job and bored with my life.
I grew up in an orphanage and am unable to show love because I never had any as a child. It is impossible for me to keep a relationship going. Either I lose interest or the other party does. I wish there were some way I could feel like I did 30 years ago, when I was full of ambition and looking forward to the future.
Is there any hope for me, or should I just resign myself to boredom for the rest of my life? Thanks for listening, Ann. -- Bored in Brooklyn
Dear Brooklyn, You aren't bored; you are depressed. But you don't have to stay that way for the rest of your life. See a doctor, and ask for an antidepressant that will help you. Along with the medication, sign up for some talking sessions with a psychologist.
You also need to become involved in activities that will help you feel better about yourself. I'm talking about service to others. Be a volunteer. When you encounter people with real problems, yours won't look so serious. Don't delay. Get going as soon as you read this. And please write again and let me know how you're doing.
Dear Ann Landers, I have been going with a man for three years. "Jerome" has a 5-year-old daughter, and I don't know how much longer I can tolerate that child. She tells her father where to sit, where to stand, when to go out and what to eat. She walks around his apartment and insists on holding his hand, no matter what he's doing. She even goes to the bathroom with him. (He says she cries if he locks her out.) If she awakens in the middle of the night, he allows her to sleep with him.
Jerome is divorced, and his daughter spends two nights a week at his place. I realize she misses her father, but this seems to me a very unhealthy attachment. When she is with him, she won't play with her toys or watch TV. She only wants to sit on his lap. This child has so many hang-ups it saddens me. Jerome says I am jealous of her, but I don't believe this is true. What do you say, Ann? -- Ready To Give Up in Richmond, Va.
Dear Richmond, Dump Jerome, unless you are willing to play second fiddle to that pathetic spoiled brat for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, her brattiness is not her fault. Her father (probably guilty about the divorce) has catered to the child to the extent that he is totally under her thumb. Adios, Jerome, and the sooner the better.
Dear Ann Landers, Are you sick and tired of hearing from disgruntled bridesmaids? I hope you will print one more letter.
I have a message for bridesmaids who complain about the expense of buying pink dresses with shoes to match.
I was married a year ago and went out of my way to accommodate my bridesmaids. Those who accepted were told they could choose the style of dress they wanted from the six or seven I liked. Only one showed up at my house to make a selection. I found a seamstress who would make the dresses at a reasonable price ($60 each), and I bought the material. Then, I found a wholesale shoe store that sold me the matching shoes (already dyed) for $13 a pair. Each bridesmaid had a total bill of $73.
If they hate their dresses, too bad. And what they do with them after the wedding is no concern of mine. If a friend doesn't want to make the small sacrifice, she should say, "Sorry, no," when asked to be in the wedding party. If she agrees to accept the honor, she should buy the dress and shoes and shut up. -- No Name in Fla.
Dear No Name, You sound like a practical (and tough) lady, but I can't argue with a thing you've said. Your last line is worth repeating, so I'll do just that: If she agrees to accept the honor, she should buy the dress and shoes and shut up.
