Dear Ann Landers,
I would like to address this to all the young women who, for whatever reason, think having a baby is "cool." I am the 17-year-old mother of a 4-month-old daughter. I will be the first to tell you it is not easy. And if you think having a baby will improve the relationship between you and your boyfriend, you are wrong. It will only make matters worse. My boyfriend and I called it quits a couple of weeks ago, when the fighting became unbearable. After three years of being very close, it's over. If I have changed just one teenager's mind about getting pregnant, the time it took to write this letter will have been well worth it. -- Been There in Indiana

Dear Indiana,
Thanks for the testimony. I hope my teenage readers will pay close attention to what you have written. You are a far better authority on this subject that I am. And P.S. Don't give up without trying counseling with your boyfriend. You have a child now who needs two parents.

Dear Ann Landers,
My boyfriend and I have a beautiful 9-month-old baby. We live together and adore this child. Here's the problem. My cousin, "Nellie," has a boyfriend who is HIV positive. I know for a fact that she is having unprotected sex with him. I strongly suspect that Nellie is HIV positive, but I have no proof, and Nellie has never brought up the subject. When Nellie came to our house last week, she kissed our baby on his hands and face. The baby then placed his hands in her mouth and then back into his own mouth. I felt extremely uncomfortable about this, especially since the baby is teething and any kind of germ could easily get into the openings in his gums. I realize it is unlikely, if not impossible, to transmit HIV through saliva, but this still makes me uneasy. Nellie doesn't realize we are aware of her sexual behavior, because we were told in confidence. I don't know how to approach her about this and am reluctant to have her visit. Is it possible our baby will contract HIV this way? Please help me. I am turning into a nervous wreck. -- Upset Mom in Calif.

Dear Upset Mom,
It is extremely unlikely that your baby is infected. People don't get HIV from touching the saliva of an HIV-infected person. For your own peace of mind, you should go to the library and read up on the subject or talk to your doctor about this. As for Nellie, if she is having unprotected sex with an HIV-positive male, she is in grave danger of becoming infected, if it hasn't already happened. Don't WAIT for an opportunity to discuss this; MAKE one, even if it seems a bit awkward. This is no time for social niceties. Tell Nellie to discuss this with a health professional at once. That girl needs help.

Dear Ann Landers,
Last New Year's Eve, my 15-year-old daughter had a party for her friends, under my supervision, of course. At midnight, while I was busy passing out soft drinks and food, I turned around to see "John," my 40-year-old boyfriend, kissing one of my daughter's 16-year-old friends. This was no ordinary peck on the cheek. The kiss was on the lips, and John's hands were planted firmly on her behind. The girl's arms were wrapped around his neck. When I confronted Mr. Hot Stuff later that night, he said he'd had too much to drink and didn't know what he was doing. John has apologized at least five times, but I can't seem to get that steamy scene out of my mind. He is a caring, wonderful man with a heart of gold, and we get along very well. As far as I know, he has been 100 percent faithful. Until this happened, I was sure he was Mr. Right. Should I forgive him for this one lapse, or is it a red flag that signifies a major character flaw? I need your advice. -- Unsure in Columbia, Ohio

Dear Columbia,
I opt for the one-lapse explanation this time. Accept it. Alcohol can do strange things. Consider this a dead issue, and suggest that John stick to cola on future occasions.

Dear Ann Landers,
I never have cheated on my wife and am absolutely certain that I never will. We have been married for five wonderful years, and our marriage is rock solid. Here's the problem: About a year ago, during a moment of passion, I happened to call out the name of my wife's best friend, "Annabelle." You can imagine my wife's reaction. Annabelle is single, in her early 20s and good-looking, and she has a terrific figure. She moved out of town three years ago. I made it clear to my wife that nothing ever went on between Annabelle and me and that calling her name was just part of a harmless fantasy. I tried to explain that fantasies are normal and I have no intention of acting them out. My wife accepted this explanation, and things seemed to be going well. Now comes the hard part. Annabelle visits us once a year and stays for a week. Her visit is coming up soon, and my wife has started to turn very cold. In fact, she's downright hostile. I know she is afraid I will be attracted to Annabelle and feels threatened. What can I do to reassure her and get things back on track? -- Faithful in Denver

Dear Denver,
Because you have had sexual fantasies about Annabelle, your wife has some justification for feeling a bit threatened. Start immediately to line up some attractive men for Annabelle to go out with when she is visiting you. Make sure you are never alone with your guest, and most importantly, concentrate on finding a substitute fantasy woman. (Any star of stage or screen will do.) And be especially affectionate to your wife in Annabelle's presence. She will appreciate it.

Dear Ann Landers,
Our 16-year-old son recently admitted that he is having sex with his girlfriend, "Evie." It's not as if we have never discussed sex. We have had long talks with him about it and discouraged premarital intimacy. He seemed to understand the dangers, but apparently, that didn't stop him. Evie's parents are divorced, but we are friends with both of them. I think the girl should tell her parents that she is having sex so they can advise her and help her choose an appropriate method of birth control. Our son says he is using condoms, but I know they are not always 100 percent reliable. Both of these kids want to go to college, and we are concerned that an unplanned pregnancy could destroy their lives. I don't know how to get Evie to tell her parents. Her mother is a very understanding woman, so this ought not be a problem. Should I let my son know that if Evie doesn't tell her folks, I will? My husband says it is none of our business, but I say what happens to our teenage son definitely IS our business. Please advise me. -- Upset in Cape Coral, Fla.

Dear Cape Coral,
Do NOT tell the girl's parents that their daughter is having sex with your son. The young couple would consider it a betrayal, and it could poison their relationship with you for all time. It is up to Evie to tell her parents, if she chooses to do so. Although your son is demonstrating responsibility by using condoms, he should know that the failure rate for condoms is about 17 percent. A pregnancy for these two would be disastrous. Don't count on a frank discussion to change their behavior, however. Experts tell us that once teenagers become sexually active, they rarely stop. Since your son has told you what is going on, urge him to insist that the girl tell her folks so she can see a gynecologist on a regular basis. It is important that she stay healthy and informed. Some visits with the school counselor would be very helpful. I recommend it.