Dear Ann Landers,
I am a male responding to the letter about women who fake orgasms. In order to demonstrate how ridiculous your response was, I am violating the most sacred secret of the male sanctuary. The truth is that men fake orgasms, too. One sure clue of faking is that immediately after the "performance," he will pretend to be totally exhausted and go right to sleep. By so doing, he leaves his woman fulfilled and happy and avoids any kind of confrontation regarding the legitimacy of his performance. Clever? -- Phoenix

Dear Phoenix,
I can't resist the temptation to make a lame joke about Phoenix rising -- from the ashes, that is. Let's just say that your duplicity is noble, but I doubt you are getting away with anything.