Dear Ann Landers, I read your column about the woman who needed a breast exam and was offended that the technician was male. The ignorance of the American public about male nurses is shameful.
I am a male nurse who chose this field because I want to make a difference in people's lives. I want to ease their suffering and do what I can for the sick and dying. Male nurses take the same classes as our female counterparts. We have the same training and lose the same amount of sleep, which is considerable. We work right alongside our female colleagues and are licensed by the same state board.
When I am assigned a female patient, it would never occur to me to make a pass or derive any sexual pleasure from that individual. Believe me, a hospital is not the romantic setting that the TV shows project. Please let all the female patients who read your column know that we are there only to make their hospital stay, medical tests and surgery as easy and comfortable as possible. There is no hidden agenda. -- Everywhere, USA
Dear Everywhere, Thank you for speaking so eloquently about a subject that needs airing. TV has indeed portrayed hospitals as places where romances flourish and love affairs abound. The shows may romanticize the hospital setting, but the people who work there know it is serious business.
Dear Ann Landers, I am concerned about the advice you gave "Befuddled," the teenager who was afraid her girlfriend, "Lottie," might be a lesbian because she slept in the nude when they shared a bed. You told her to continue the friendship but not to accept any more invitations to sleep over. Your response left me with a sinking feeling. When friends are uneasy about something like this, it is not OK to ignore it. Also, a friendship that is not based on trust can be hollow at best.
As a woman who works with lesbian and gay young people, I find it highly unlikely that Lottie is a lesbian. If such were the case, she would not have risked a negative reaction from her friend. Rejection from those they care about is one of the principal concerns of gay youth. All teenagers, gay and straight, should be encouraged to be honest with their peers and not engage in deception.
If the writer has worries and does not deal with them directly, the friendship will suffer. Please let her know that being gay is not the issue. The real issue is empowering young people to be forthright and vocal with each other about situations that make them uncomfortable. Staying silent accomplishes nothing and leaves them frustrated and confused. -- C.M. in the Southwest
Dear C.M., I had several complaints about my response to that letter and am inclined to think my answer was a dog. Your last sentence is a far better response. Thanks for cleaning up after me.
Dear Ann Landers, I am a 15-year-old sophomore girl. I make decent grades and am a normal teenager in every way. At the beginning of the school year, I hit it off with a girl who had just moved to our town over the summer. "Lottie" and I have the same taste in music and movies, and we like to hang out at the mall after school. We've become great friends in just a few months, and last weekend, Lottie invited me to sleep over at her house.
Everything was great until it came time for bed. Lottie's bedroom has a double bed, which we were supposed to share. That would have been OK, except she stripped completely naked before she got into bed.
Ann, I have no objection to sleeping in the nude, but this was in the winter, and it was plenty cold outside. I asked Lottie whether she wouldn't be warmer in pajamas. She replied that she was more comfortable sleeping nude and her electric blanket would keep her toasty warm. I reluctantly got into bed but kept wondering whether Lottie was trying to seduce me. Her electric blanket was turned on so high that I was tempted to take off my flannel nightshirt. I decided not to, thinking maybe that was what she wanted me to do. Lottie made no other moves on me, but I barely slept all night.
What should I do? I don't want to accuse her of being a lesbian, but I can't stop wondering whether she is interested in me sexually. Lottie is the best friend I ever had, and I would hate to lose her over this. Please tell me what to do. -- Befuddled in Northern California
Dear Befuddled, Trust your instincts. Lottie may be perfectly straight, but I wouldn't bet the rent. If you want to continue the friendship, OK, but do not accept any more invitations to sleep at her place, and don't let her finagle an invitation to stay at yours.
Dear Ann Landers, A while back, you printed a letter about the dangers of prostitution. I would appreciate the opportunity to tell my side of the story. I hope you will print my letter, because your assessment was not accurate.
I am a 31-year-old woman with a bachelor's degree from a well-known university. I have been a sex worker for the past 14 years and am happy with my career. It burns me up when I read studies that say we are messed-up drug addicts who were abused as children, or that we are at risk of getting beaten up or raped by our customers.
I do not deny that streetwalking is a difficult and stressful way to make a living, but not all prostitutes are streetwalkers. I work in a brothel in Nevada and would not trade my job for any other that I know of. I perform a valuable service that is legal in most counties in this state. Every woman who works out of our house gets checked by a doctor every week.
I have met some fascinating, successful, well-educated men through my profession. Many have been clients of mine for several years. I count among them doctors, lawyers, judges, college professors, politicians and business executives. I make enough money working only two weeks each month and can use the other two weeks to pursue my writing career and work toward a Ph.D.
Ann, there's a reason prostitution is called "the world's oldest profession," and it isn't going away. Instead of fighting it, we should decriminalize it everywhere. For a woman who needs to feed her children, the threat of abuse is insignificant compared with watching her babies starve before her eyes. Legal sex work makes it possible for all women to have safer, stress-free working conditions. You should endorse it. -- Magdalene at Madam Kitty's
Dear Magdalene, I caught the significance of your name choice -- from the Bible yet. It is obvious that you enjoy your work, and as I have said before, there always will be a market for what you are selling.
For many years, I have been in favor of legalizing your profession and have said so. But please do not try to persuade anyone that babies would starve if their mothers did not go into prostitution. There are many other options -- government assistance is the best known. I won't go down the list of others, but no woman in America needs to sell her body to make a living -- unless, of course, she wants to.
Dear Ann Landers, I never have cheated on my wife and am absolutely certain that I never will. We have been married for five wonderful years, and our marriage is rock solid. Here's the problem: About a year ago, during a moment of passion, I happened to call out the name of my wife's best friend, "Annabelle." You can imagine my wife's reaction.
Annabelle is single, in her early 20s and good-looking, and she has a terrific figure. She moved out of town three years ago. I made it clear to my wife that nothing ever went on between Annabelle and me and that calling her name was just part of a harmless fantasy. I tried to explain that fantasies are normal and I have no intention of acting them out. My wife accepted this explanation, and things seemed to be going well. Now comes the hard part.
Annabelle visits us once a year and stays for a week. Her visit is coming up soon, and my wife has started to turn very cold. In fact, she's downright hostile. I know she is afraid I will be attracted to Annabelle and feels threatened. What can I do to reassure her and get things back on track? -- Faithful in Denver
Dear Denver, Because you have had sexual fantasies about Annabelle, your wife has some justification for feeling a bit threatened. Start immediately to line up some attractive men for Annabelle to go out with when she is visiting you. Make sure you are never alone with your guest, and most importantly, concentrate on finding a substitute fantasy woman. (Any star of stage or screen will do.) And be especially affectionate to your wife in Annabelle's presence. She will appreciate it.
