Dear Ann Landers,
My father recently passed away. He was 95. Right up to the end, his mind was active, and he was alert and aware. My sister and I were at his bedside, along with my father's wife. For several days, my stepmother insisted on whispering into Dad's ear that it was OK to die, OK to let go. She urged him "to follow the light." To me, it sounded like she was telling him to give up and get it over with. I found this offensive and disturbing. When I told her how I felt, she insisted she only wanted to make things easier for Dad. What do you say? -- Bob in New York

Dear N.Y.,
At 95, I doubt that anything she said to your father would have made much difference one way or the other. It sounds to me as if the real problem is an undercurrent of hostility between you and your stepmother. Give it up, and let your father rest in peace.

Dear Ann Landers,
I need your advice. I have been friends with "Walt" for seven years. About two years ago, I started to have feelings for him that were definitely more than friendship. Needless to say, he was surprised when I told him. Walt made it clear that he thinks of me only as a friend. I see him every weekend, and it hurts knowing he will never care for me the way I want him to. What should I do, Ann? -- Mary in Canada

Dear Mary,
If you are willing to settle for a brother-sister relationship forever, Walt's your man. If you want a romance that leads to marriage, disconnect from Walt, and start dating.

Dear Ann Landers,
My husband and I have been married for 18 years. We have two fine children. Five years ago, my husband had an affair. I was devastated when I learned about it, but I did forgive him. He promised never to see the woman again, and he has kept his word. Here's the problem, Ann. The woman has kept in close touch with my in-laws for the past five years. My mother-in-law is well aware that this is very upsetting to me, but she continues to be friendly to the would-be home wrecker. Even my husband has asked his mother to stop seeing the woman, but she continues to be chummy. We moved from Florida partly to get away from this unpleasant situation, and believe it or not, this woman had the gall to move to this same small town. My nerves are completely shot, and I am beginning to develop health problems because of this. Can you help me? -- Hurt in Alabama

Dear Alabama,
You cannot do anything about that woman, but you can do something about yourself. Get some counseling at once. I've often said, "Nobody can take advantage of you without your permission," and the same goes for "torturing." You must put on an emotional raincoat and let whatever comes your way slide off. As for your mother-in-law, you have no right to dictate to her whom she should socialize with, so again, dear, put on that raincoat. Meanwhile, your doctor can give you something to settle your nerves.

Dear Ann Landers,
I suspect my wife of six years is having an affair. She means a great deal to me, and I don't want a divorce. My suspicions are beginning to wreck my personal and professional life, and I don't know what to do. I recently heard of a TV show that investigates and catches cheating spouses on film. I am seriously considering contacting the producers. Do you think my wife and I would be able to reconcile if I had her investigated and caught her on this show? -- Just Asking in the Big D

Dear Big D,
If you had your wife investigated, and she were caught cheating, and it later appeared on TV, your marriage would not stand the chance of the proverbial snowball in hell. I think you need some professional help, Mister. Please get it.

Dear Ann Landers,
My ex-husband and I divorced 18 years ago. He told me he no longer loved me and that family life was not for him. He agreed to counseling, but of course, it was a waste of time. The counselor later told me it was obvious that I wanted counseling to save the marriage, but my ex agreed to it only to appease me and intended on getting a divorce once the charade was over. We had been married 14 years and had two children, ages 7 and 5. It was not easy for me. My ex remarried six months after the divorce was final. I married again 10 years later. My 23-year-old daughter recently asked her father why we were divorced. He replied, "Because your mother was having an affair." I am furious with him for telling such a lie. Fortunately, my daughter did not believe him, but it's possible he has repeated that same lie to everyone he knows. I get angry every time I think about it, but don't know if I should confront him. Please, Ann, tell me what to do. -- Innocent in Stamford, Conn.

Dear Stamford,
Don't waste your time and energy on a confrontation. It has been said that a lie can travel halfway around the world before the truth can put on its shoes. You now know that your ex is a cad and a liar. What more is there to learn? A confrontation would probably result in a denial, plus more "he said, she said. " Who needs it? Congratulate yourself for unloading the bum, and enjoy your freedom.