Dear Ann Landers, I just got a phone call from my son. He said, "I've been arrested for possession of marijuana with intent to distribute." I knew he had used marijuana on occasion, but I'm sure he never tried to sell it. A lawyer told me if someone is caught with marijuana, chances are the police will add "intent to distribute," even in the absence of supporting evidence. The accusation of intent changes the crime from a misdemeanor to a felony.
Ann, my son is a good kid who attends college and has a part-time job. He didn't hurt anyone. He didn't steal anything. He didn't cheat anybody. He was caught with marijuana for his own personal use, and for this, he could get 30 years in prison.
He has never gotten so much as a parking ticket.
I don't approve of smoking grass, nor do I approve of smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol. But this punishment seems excessive. I can't help but think of the thousands of families who have suffered this same horror. These harsh laws hurt us all. People who criminalize marijuana believe users are dangerous addicts in dark trench coats, lurking near playgrounds, ready to pounce on young children.
I plead for compassion for those who are hurting only themselves when they use dangerous substances. What they need is counseling and medical intervention, not prison. Harsh laws don't work. Furthermore, it costs us a fortune in taxes to prosecute and incarcerate people who pose no danger to society. Enough. -- A Sad Mother in Va.
Dear Sad Mother, I'm sad about your son's predicament. If the police added "intent to distribute" without real evidence, your son will need the help of a competent lawyer who can get those charges dismissed.
I have long believed the laws regarding marijuana are too harsh. Those who keep pot for their own personal use should not be treated as criminals. Thirty years in prison makes no sense whatsoever. I'm with you.
Dear Ann Landers, My mother left us when I was 6 and my brother was 10. That was 25 years ago. Even though Mom showed up for holidays and birthdays, we were raised solely by my father.
When Dad passed away three years ago, Mom had a nervous breakdown and started to drink excessively. We know she is manic-depressive, and now we believe she is also an alcoholic. She has battled depression her entire life. The problem is that Mom lives alone, but she quit her job six months ago, and we have no idea how she is supporting herself. When we ask about her financial situation, she refuses to talk about it. If we offer money, she won't take it.
My brother and I suspect there isn't much money left from Mom's savings, and we worry what will happen once that money is gone. My husband and I invited Mom to live with us, but we told her she would have to stop smoking and drinking and take her medication regularly. She refused.
I do not have a close, loving relationship with my mother, but I still feel responsible for her and want to help. She started going to AA meetings again, and we are hopeful this will work, but it's hard to trust her. She has tried AA before and could never stick with the program. Should I allow her to move into my home, even though she still smokes and may not be able to stay off the booze? I am confused and lost. Please tell me what to do. -- Bowie, Md.
Dear Bowie, If you allow your mother to move into your home, the results could be disastrous, but please give her one last chance. I strongly recommend that you check out Al-Anon (it's in your phone book), and learn how others with similar problems are dealing with theirs. The fact that your mother is seeking help bodes well for her recovery. I wish her luck, and you, too, dear.
Dear Ann Landers, My ex-husband and I have two young daughters. It seems that as the girls get older, their father is less interested in having a role in their lives.
Dear Ann Landers, Several readers have written to say it was easier to get off cocaine than to give up cigarettes. I recently came across these tips written by Linda Greenhow, coordinator of the nicotine addiction program at the St. Helena Health Center in Deer Park, Calif. They may be helpful if you want to quit smoking. The information sounded good to me, and I would like to share it with you.
Staying Smoke-Free:
--Make the decision to quit.
--Set your quit date, and prepare yourself for the transition:
Become aware of your patterns of use, identifying trigger places, people and activities. Plan alternative responses.
Explore on paper your motivations for quitting. Carry a list of your top three reasons with you.
Start an exercise program to help manage stress, offset depression, combat urges and control weight.
Set up a social support system (a trusted individual who understands addiction, Nicotine Anonymous or an online support group).
Commit to "doing what it takes" to get through the short-term discomfort. Pharmaceutical support may be a consideration.
--Smoke your last cigarette, and say goodbye:
Dispose of all tobacco products and paraphernalia.
Drink lots of water to help eliminate nicotine from your system.
Take deep breaths to keep you centered.
Take action whenever an urge presents itself. Call your support people. Pray. Take a walk. Stretch. The urge WILL pass.
Envision yourself already smoke-free.
--Modify your lifestyle to support your smoke-free status:
Change your daily routines to avoid old triggers.
Develop a schedule of rewards for yourself to offset any sense of deprivation. Avoid high-risk situations, such as use of mood-altering drugs, being with smokers, being alone with tobacco present or getting too hungry, angry, lonely, tired, anxious or bored.
Develop new interests to give your life a positive focus, and re-direct your energy.
Commit time and energy to activities that reinforce and reward your new, non-smoking lifestyle. It is one of the toughest battles of all, and you deserve a pat on the back.
Dear Ann Landers, Your column is a valuable tool for getting messages to people everywhere. Please tell them: Always make sure you get prescription drug dosage directions directly from your doctor.
I have psoriasis and have tried almost everything to get rid of it. I recently was put on some high-powered drugs. One drug has to be monitored with blood tests and taken exactly as prescribed. My doctor told me to take four pills a week, two on Saturday morning and two Saturday evening.
My doctor's handwriting was hard to read, but I took the prescription to my pharmacist, thinking he could surely figure it out. When I picked up the pills, the instructions on the bottle read, "Two pills daily and twice on Saturday." Thank God my doctor had told me what he wanted me to do and not just written it down. If I had not remembered his instructions, I would have been taking 16 pills a week, which could have created some serious problems. I asked the pharmacist to call my doctor's office and straighten it out. He did so at once.
Please tell your readers to get it straight from the doctor's mouth. -- Avid Reader in Mesquite, Texas
Dear Avid Reader in Mesquite, Your letter is yet another excellent example of how my readers help one another through this column. "Getting it straight from the doctor's mouth" is superb advice. Of course, it takes the time of the doctor, but if he is dedicated and caring, he won't mind.
