Dear Ann Landers, My ex-husband and I have two young daughters. It seems that as the girls get older, their father is less interested in having a role in their lives.
Dear Ann Landers, Nearly 14 million people in the United States -- one in every 13 adults -- abuse alcohol or are alcoholic. In addition, there are countless more who binge drink or who may be on the verge of developing a serious problem.
The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism and the National Mental Illness Screening Project are offering the first-ever National Alcohol Screening Day on Thursday, April 8. There will be 2,000 screening sites across the country, 500 of them on colleges campuses, offering free, anonymous screening sessions for a range of alcohol problems.
This is an opportunity for anyone concerned about themselves or a loved one to seek education and advice in a non-threatening environment. The program can benefit college students who wonder how many drinks are considered a "binge." It can help if your spouse drinks too much or you have an alcoholic family member and are concerned about the risk of inheriting the illness. The screening can steer you in the right direction if you notice that drinking is interrupting your productivity at work or school.
At the screening, participants will hear an educational presentation on alcohol problems and complete a written self-assessment survey. They will have the opportunity to talk one on one with a health professional and will be given the names and phone numbers of support services and treatment facilities in the area. All screenings are free and anonymous.
Ann, please urge your readers to take advantage of this unique program. They can find a site in their area by calling 1-800-697-6700 today. No shame, no guilt, just honest questions, honest answers and a helping hand. -- Enoch Gordis, M.D., director, NIAAA, part of the National Institutes of Health
Dear Dr. Gordis, Thank you for giving me the opportunity to tell my readers about National Alcohol Screening Day, Thursday, April 8.
Readers, especially college students, if you have any questions regarding alcohol, or if you know someone who could benefit from this anonymous screening, please call 1-800-697-6700 today to find a site in your area. It could save your life or the life of someone you love.
Dear Ann Landers, A few years ago, you printed warning signals to determine if a mate is a batterer. I want to say thank you. You saved my sanity, possibly my life, and gave me the strength to leave my abusive husband and regain my self-esteem. Please print those warning signals again. With luck, they may save someone else. -- Grateful in Fort Wayne, Ind.
Dear Grateful, Obviously, that column made a strong impression on you. Here it is again.
Dear Ann Landers, We read your column about "Dudley," the young man who became violent when he slept and hit his girlfriend. She was concerned that he harbored some kind of secret hostility toward her. You said as long as Dudley didn't hit her while he was awake, he meant no harm.
Dudley may have a sleep disorder known as REM Sleep Behavior Disorder (RSBD). Normally during dream sleep, we are unable to move the muscles of the arms and legs. With RSBD, the inhibition of muscle movement is impaired, and the person may actually act out parts of his or her dreams, unaware of the behavior until some injury occurs.
The good news is that sleep disorders such as RSBD can be diagnosed and treated successfully. People who suffer from insomnia, excessive daytime sleepiness or frequent leg movements before and during sleep, or who fall asleep at work, at the movies or when driving, should not hesitate to speak to their primary-care doctors about these sleep and alertness problems.
For the names and addresses of accredited sleep centers, your readers can send a large, stamped, self-addressed envelope to the American Sleep Disorders Association, 6301 Bandel Rd., Suite 101, Rochester, Minn. 55901 (www.asda.org). -- Lauren Broch, Ph.D., director of education and training, and Margaret Moline, M.D., director, New York Presbyterian Hospital's Sleep-Wake Disorders Center
Dear Dr. Broch and Dr. Moline, Thank you for providing an authoritative explanation for Dudley's behavior. You have made it quite clear that his sleep problems are not connected to his feelings for his girlfriend -- which will no doubt come as a great relief to her. Let's hope Dudley gets the help he needs so she can get a good night's sleep.
Gem of the Day: To fail to forgive is to destroy the bridge over which one
day you may want to travel.
Dear Ann Landers, My husband, "Jim," and I have been married for two years. We dated for almost nine years before we married. Jim has always been moody and suffers from depression. I have suggested counseling and anti-depressant medication, but he refuses to get any help at all.
Last summer, Jim and I got into a typical married-couple argument. It was no big deal, but he completely lost his temper. He threw our coffee table across the room and punched a hole in the wall over my head. He never apologized, and I let the incident blow over.
Last Sunday, we had another minor disagreement. I left the room, and when I returned, Jim had thrown the Sunday paper in the trashcan, even though he knew I hadn't read it. I yelled at him, so he went into the kitchen and dumped the entire can of garbage into the middle of the living room. Later that evening, I told him I was not going to tolerate living in a house where things are thrown. He replied, "There are three doors in this place. Pick any one if you feel like leaving."
I love Jim, but I fear his volatile behavior. I avoid arguments and don't complain about things because I hate confrontations with him. I am at the end of my rope. What should I do? -- Trying To Save My Marriage in Chicago
Dear Chicago, Tell Jim, "Either get into counseling for anger management, or GET OUT." That man is making your life a living hell, and you should not have to put up with it. For his good, as well as for those who must be around him, Jim needs to face up to his problem and deal with it. You also need to protect yourself.
